Sadism and Sadism

I find it hard to control my bias sometimes.  Like most submissives (I suspect), I feel an inner pressure to paint only a pretty picture of what it is to be my Master's slave.  I try not to resort to romanticism, but I still wonder if sometimes I'm not guilty of the same glossy tint that I criticise other subs for.  I want to get the balance right: while I would never publicly criticise my Master, I also want to be clear on something.  It's not all peaches.

Oh, woe is me, sometimes my Master is cruel!!  Lol.  But it's true, sometimes he is, in ways that I really curse.  There's his tendency to not answer questions I ask, for example.  In vanilla relationships, I've thrown tantrums over that.  Here, I'm forced to grit my teeth and repeat a mantra of patience, patience, patience.....  And the errands he sends me on, sometimes needing to travel to several different locations to collect this, deliver that... A little voice in my head starts a complaining tirade at these times.  It ends when it reaches somewhere like, "Why can't you do this yourself?  What do you think I am, your - oh, hang on...."


And then there's the worst torture of all.  I can hardly stand to mention it.  I always know it's coming, when he gives me a sudden, examining look.  I want to run, but it's always too late, he is already moving in and I know what he is about to do... he tilts my head upwards, and I am forced to stand there while he squeezes a pimple on my face.  It's purely diabolical!

He laughs at the irony of that, and I do see his point.  It does feel ridiculous to say that I don't mind it at all when he makes me bruise or bleed, but attacking a spot drives me mad.  There is masochism, and there is masochism.

That same little voice in my head asks why on earth he does these little things that torment me so genuinely.  But when I'm rational, the reason is obvious.  My Master is a sadist.  That doesn't just mean that he likes to whip me til I'm wearing a blissful smile, or rape my ass til I thank him.  If I enjoy his cruelty every time, where is his fun?  No, it also means something I don't like to remember - that he gets real pleasure from doing anything at all that makes me pout, or sulk, or grimace in disgust, and forcing me to tolerate it.  There is sadism, which I could find anywhere, and then there is real sadism, which is far more rare.

So I try and remember the days before I met him, when playing with so-called "sadists" who would hit me and then stop to check if I was alright.  It was boring.  To truly embrace masochism one needs the sadist to be believable.  My Master is certainly believably, notably cruel.  I hate it, and I'm glad.