Take me instead

With International Women's Day on the horizon, there are countless stories being shared about the worldwide abuse of women.  Over the last two weeks, I've personally encountered stories of rape, torture, murder, slavery, and much more - often condoned by authorities in some parts of the world.  I won't go into detail about it - anyone who wants to read a human rights blog can check out Anmesty International.  This one is quite the opposite.

And in a way, that is the dilemma I face on the whole women's rights issue - and that I am particularly conscious of at this time of year.  Because I don't believe women should be treated in these ways.  I am horrified that they are still treated as property in some places.  I am sickened at how common it is for women to be beaten and raped.  And yet...  I want to be treated as the property of men.  I relish my helplessness in men's hands.  I fantasise feverishly about my own torture, rape, and even death.  As much as I am appalled, I am also wet and aroused at these horrific stories, and their similarity to my dark imagination.

So when I'm invited to domestic violence rallies, or asked to sign a petition for women's rights, I am struck by my own hypocrisy.  I can't bring myself to be involved in the cause.  Instead, I try to remain silent and offer a kind of sideline-support.  I admire what people are doing, to try and improve the lives of women around the world, to bring them greater freedom.  But I don't want my freedom, thanks.

What's a degradation-loving feminist to do?