Good loser

Fighting my Master is something I once could never imagine, but as time and a great deal of turmoil have gone by, "resistance-play" has become something highly cathartic for me.  Not often, but sometimes, I'll feel the urge to fight as he fucks me and I'll tell him.  So far he has always responded almost the same way - with a smile and encouragement to just try it.  And so I do.  I push him away, twist my body, and try to close my legs, kicking frantically.... and then less convincingly.... and then stop.  I can't keep it up for more than a few seconds at a time - it is far more "me" to submit.  So why, then, do I want to fight him?  Simple, really.  To lose.


So last night, when he pressed the blade of a knife against my throat as he fucked me, and asked, "now do you want to push me away, bitch?" - it was a shock to the system.  Lying there, his cock in my hole, his weight on my hips, hand gripping my hair.... and the steel pressed against my neck.... I had already lost.  For him to ask that question served to invite that "fighting" part of me to come out, and find itself already in jeopardy.  There was nowhere to go, no way to move, without impaling myself in a bloody mess on his sheets.  And that fighting-part... feline nadi, if you like... she wanted to fight.  And found herself already done, before even moving a muscle.  And so I choked, caught in a mental trap.  Fight-stop.  The tension had nowhere to go, so it remained, as Master kept talking, pressing slightly harder with the blade, then slightly harder still.... until he asked me another question and I could not even respond.... and just laid there making choking-gasping sounds, crying and trembling, completely overwhelmed.

My only relief, of course, was submission to it all.  When I finally let go and just drifted into dark serenity, the tension ceased - and my body responded by relaxing under him, my slut hole melting into a wet abyss, my breathing almost not there at all.... and my mind, gone to a peaceful distance - a place where I cared not to live or die.... just surrender to his will.  Words just can't capture the bliss.