Is it ok to mention anal over breakfast?

The one thing that never fails to shock me about sex, is how easily other people are shocked.

Thanks to a long story that I won't bother to explain here, I am in a position in my academic career right now, where I'm needing to do a lot of research on sexuality-related topics.  On the one hand, there's not a lot to learn that I'm not already personally familiar with.  But on the other hand, I am learning a hell of a lot about where other people sit - which is mostly on the other side of the planet from me.

An article I read today, was by a sex researcher doing an ethnographic study into sex politics, by "investigating" a swingers party and recording her personal reactions.  She seemed pretty honest and frank about it.  But what amazed me as I was reading it, was how new everything was to her - not the swinging scene, but the basic elements involved.  Things like being naked in front of strangers.  Having a conversation about genital piercing.  Telling someone your fantasies.  Being attracted to a member of the same sex.  Things I think of as pretty everyday experiences.  Are they really such a big deal to so many people?  Apparently.

So I was trying to think back today, to when I was a lot less experienced.  Way back to my teens.  I know there was a time when I didn't find it so easy to say I'm a bi-sub-slut.  The question I asked myself is, what did I used to think and feel back then, and was it anything like what this woman described?

The answer, of course, is hard to really know, since my memories must be influenced by what I've experienced since then.  But I remember a sense of frustration, at not being able to show what I wanted and what I was.  I knew darn well, for example, that I wanted to be gang banged by my male friends at age 16.  What annoyed me was that I couldn't say so - because other people (them included) would find it too shocking.  And I remember talking about fantasies with my boyfriend at age 17, and having to moderate them to avoid freaking him out.  Telling him I thought about other girls was perfectly OK, but mentioning bondage and torture turned out to be a bad move, as the look of alarm on his face told me.  Oops.

By the time I met Master, being silent about my desires "just in case" of what other people thought had been strongly instilled in me.  It took time for him to drag them out in the open, and there were many scoldings for trying to shy away.  Now it all seems so plain, so ordinary, that I often fail to keep track of where other people's "normal" marker lies.  I keep silent on sexual topics once again, no longer out of fear of judgement, but because I know that I have a great bias in my judgement.  I constantly expect people to be comfortable with far more than what they are.